Insights into Moving Forward

We must be still and still moving.
Into another intensity...
-T.S. Eliot

I didn't know how to start my next blog. I've been worrying about my next post for some time now. At the end of each of my previous posts I have felt a certain sense of relief, or better yet release. It's as if each time I wrote I was dipping my foot deeper into the murky waters of my true self. The deeper I wade in, the more my Ego gets washed away. Lately, I have not been writing, and thus have not been wading. I am standing ankle deep in my Self but too afraid to sink further in. What swims in the dark waters of my unconscious? Will I be able to leave this pool and still recognize myself? Fear and anxiety have left me feeling unsure of my next move.

Sometimes the simplest things can help me feel unstuck. Today is  a new day and I am open to its many possibilities. After speaking to my good friend Cara I realized what today truly held for me. Our conversation, our ability to openly share with one another, renewed my self confidence. Whether she realizes it or not she encouraged me to continue forward, to move without fear. Her ability to listen to me intuitively and compassionately made me feel safe and secure. I was able to say aloud things that had been brewing in my mind. By listening to me she had given life to what had previously been only ideas. It's funny how words work...once you say them out loud they don't belong to you anymore.Hearing myself explain some of my recent experiences gave me a slightly different perspective and I appreciate the input I received from Cara as well.

After we spoke I immediately sat down to write, but ended up stumbling upon a poem called East Coker by T.S. Eliot instead. I read it aloud to myself. The words spoke to me because I felt an immediate relationship with the narrator. It encouraged me to write from my heart, even if it sounds silly or incoherent. I know at this moment that I am rambling, and yet I feel the need to continue. Not just for me, but for you, too (whoever you are). I hope that you can connect with me. If you feel what I feel, even sometimes, then I have shared what I'm meant to share with you. You don't have to do it alone. There is always someone who understands what you are going through and there's always someone who can encourage you to be the truest form of yourself. The encouragement I can offer is this: there is literally nothing more important than knowing who You are. It is important not to let anyone convince you otherwise (including yourself!). Sometimes the person holding us back isn't a friend or family member, it's ourselves, our own egos. Self doubt, grief, worry, fear, anxiety, selfishness, guilt...these are all creations of your ego meant to control you. They hold you back from doing the things your gut, your heart, your soul knows are right. Sometimes it can be hard to hear your heart clearly over all the noise and commotion of the ego. Perhaps this visual will help describe what I'm talking about:

Imagine a jar of mud, rocks and water.When that jar is shaken up it is difficult to see the water clearly. It becomes murky and dark. Now imagine the jar sitting still on a table. The stillness allows all the debris to settle at the bottom, leaving only the clear water at the top.

Sometimes the only way to move forward is to stop and be still (or Let It Be). Allow your anxieties to settle and look inside yourself for the calm, happy, loving spirit that is inside of you. Sometimes, when you do this your next action becomes clear to you. You can move ahead feeling lighter and more self-assured.

I hope this helped even one person. I thank you for your time. I thank Cara for helping me move forward. Love and peace to all.

Insights into Learning to be Wrong

Five enemies of peace inhabit with us - avarice, ambition, envy, anger, and pride; if these were to be banished, we should infallibly enjoy perpetual peace. - Petrarch

I try not to regret things anymore, but can't help but feel ashamed when I think about all the times I have pushed an issue or an argument while knowing at some level that I was wrong for doing so. To humble oneself and admit being wrong is a difficult thing to do. I believe the difficulty lies in finding the balance between pride and humility. 


I had a philosophy professor in college who described living a virtuous life in this way: imagine you are in a small wooden boat and you are navigating your way down a narrow pass. On either side of you are tall, steep cliffs. The water near the cliffs is shallow and rocky. If you guide your ship down the center of the pass the water is deep and free of obstacles and you can easily avoid hitting rocks and sinking your boat, but if you veer off course too far to the left or to the right you will run the risk of sinking your small ship.


Now imagine that on the east cliff sits humility. To be humble some of the time is a good thing, but if you are too humble you run the risk of losing your self-confidence and yielding to the will of others when you should not be doing so. If you steer your boat in this direction to often you will likely sink into unhappiness, low-self esteem and self-pity.


On the west cliff sits pride. This appears to be a finer direction, but when you approach the cliff you start to become too head-strong and overly confident. You don't listen to the advice of anyone else when they tell you to slow down and be wary of the sharp, jagged rocks. If you steer to far in this direction self-destruction surely awaits you as well.


As I navigate through my own life I am learning to be conscious of my little boat and the rocky shores around me. Living a virtuous life should not be a taboo topic saved only for Sunday church sermons and college philosophy classes! The well-being of your soul is of the utmost importance. As Socrates said, "It is not living that matters, but living rightly." Being virtuous, however, takes a LOT of work. Being conscious of our actions, weighing the consequences and taking responsibility for what we do are not easy things to do (especially when we are so "busy" all the time). I reflect about my actions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions often...but even in doing so I tend to do it in a prideful way. I am trying so hard to be more humble and allow myself to give in to the fact that not every thing I do will lead to the outcomes I want and that even though I'm being reflective doesn't mean I'm making the most virtuous decisions. Part of my problem, I think, is letting go of the idea that I have to do it alone. I would never look at a close friend of mine and suggest that he achieves personal growth all by himself, so why do I seem so sure that I can do it myself? On the other hand, I also like to think that if I act rightly others around me will also do it...but because of this I bring upon myself the mentality that I can control, manipulate or influence the actions of those around me. Sometimes, when I'm clear headed I can see the folly in this, but I still make more mistakes than I would like to admit.

I hope this is a real game.

I am going through a period of great change in my life. The changes are both internal and external. I'm having trouble guiding my ship through the pass, but am learning to utilize all of my resources to get through safely. You, my dear readers, are part of this process for me. Writing helps keep me on course and motivates me to do the right thing. I hope that you can find the tools you need to navigate your own path. I will leave you with a couple more quotes from Socrates that help me keep a clear head in these matters. Safe travels, my friends.

Be as you wish to seem. - Socrates               

Beware the barrenness of a busy life. - Socrates

Insights into How to Love

 “If one conceives of God as an intelligent, loving light, and if one opens to this light, true healing of mind, body and spirit can occur.” ~ Bernie Siegel

You just never know sometimes what the Universe is trying to tell you. Sometimes you have to stop and listen to your heart. I don't mean the thump, thump, thump of your blood coursing through your veins (although this seemingly automatic function is important). The heart, or better yet our intuition, is always there trying to guide us through life's sometimes messy trials and tribulations. Some call it God, others Allah, Buddha, the Tao or just plain Energy. Call it what you will there is, it seems, an undeniably intelligent, Cosmic force that guides us all. The more we try to ignore it the more afraid and sick we become. As individuals and as a global community. 

A dear friend of mine, Sara, is reading the book "The Only Way Out is In" by Anthony "Prem" Carlisi and she posted this quote on her Facebook wall today: 

...microcosm/macrocosm is mirrored between nature and man...This is why it is important to be conscious of what we put into our bodies and the waste that we dump on our planet. Look around! How we treat our bodies is the way we treat our Earth. This is why the Earth is in the state it is in: unconscious living inside and out. The finger is pointing back at us saying "Look within for the solution to what is happening outside. If we want harmony on the planet, we must start with ourselves first."

It struck me in a beautiful way. "If we want harmony...we must start with ourselves first." That's what I've been trying to put my finger on! The same must be true about Love! If you don't love yourself, how can you expect to truly love other living things? As Sara puts it: 

"I definitely believe the energy of "Love" so to speak is something that can be sensed so easy by those around you if they have clear heads and are willing to accept. I think it is as contagious as laughter. It is inspirational and infectious! Friend or lover, I think giving love to someone allows you to receive as well and it can honestly help someone love themselves more." 

 It makes even more sense if you consider, as I do, that the whole of our Universe is propelled forward in an ever expanding and contracting spiral that runs on Energy. This Energy shows itself to us in ways that science and reason have never been able to clearly explain or define: unexplainable coincidences, beauty, intuition,  and Love (to name a few).

I know it's cheesy, but I like, OK?

 I have, for a while now had an overwhelming need to write and discuss the concept of Love: it's true nature and meaning. Initially, I was going to discuss the stereotypical concept of "love at first sight" that our overly romanticized, Hollywood influenced brains tend to imagine. I was going to spout of examples ranging from the famous line in Jerry McGuire, "You complete me" to the countless fantasies in Disney films. While looking through my notes I couldn't help but feel that the content was lacking in some way. In order to truly discuss Love I decided it would just be best to speak from personal experience. So that's what I intend to do. If you're still with me at this point you may be curious about what my relationship (in my case my marriage to a wonderful man named Erich) is like. 


Our closest friends are never shy about telling us how much they like being around us. The latest string of compliments we've received have been, "I really like how you're not up each others' asses all the time" and "you two balance one another perfectly." I take those comments to heart, literally. I appreciate it every time someone points out that we seem to have "it" figured out. BUT. I don't feel like we're ever going to be done working on our relationship. I don't intend to make it "perfect" by any means, but I do intend on keeping it healthy. One thing that I have recently discovered is very important is our mutual need to develop spiritually as individuals. We respect and trust each other enough to encourage the other to do what is best. He never makes me sacrifice my authenticity to suit his needs, and I'm working on doing the same.The trick is avoiding the classic pitfall of forming a codependent relationship. It's hard to maintain a happy healthy relationship when one person is entirely wrapped up in the needs of the other. I have been in a few relationships like this and I remember what it feels like to be that "half" searching for the "one" who completes me.Then, when you find that person you feel the need to be around him and 'make him happy' all the time (as if his happiness were actually in my power, hah!) It's a ridiculous and very tiring idea, and one I'd like to put a stop to right here and now. 


A loving relationship does not require devastating romance, being "swept off one's feet," two halves completing one another to make them "whole", finishing each others' sentences, living 'for' the each other, sacrificing one's needs for the other, or making compromise after compromise. It's about balance, patience, understanding, compassion, trust and mutual respect. It's like my husband said today, "I say that love is not an activity but a force. that's all." - Erich

I'm not knocking romance. I love it in fact! But at this point I see it as a bonus. It's not necessary to to a happy marriage anymore than having a six pack set of abs is. We need to get over this notion of romantic love being achieved by searching the world to find this mysterious "other half" that will suddenly make you feel like a worthy human being. If Love is a force, and that force is the great cosmic energy, then all you have to do is let go. Be swept away by it and enjoy the ride! The best part is, the more you share it and show it the more you receive it! If you are already "whole" when you meet the person you want to build a life with then the two of you will both benefit from it.



If you really want to learn how to Love properly, you have to start with yourself. Take care of your body. Turn off the TV once in a while and read a book, or go on a walk, or just sit and be quiet for a few minutes. You might find that the more you listen to your own body, the more peaceful you become. You may start to understand your body more deeply. You may discover you have the answers to the questions that have been bothering you. You may even learn (with time and practice) to face your anxieties and fears with strength and courage and free yourself from those bonds without depending on alcohol, drugs or another person. 

John and Paul were right my friends: All you need is Love.