Insights into Impermanence

 A few moments ago I was attempting to change the photo in my post about the death of a loved one (my Grandmother) and accidentally deleted it...like forever deleted (or so I thought). At first I sat in my chair staring limply at the screen. Control z. Control z. Nope that didn't work. View blog. Not there...OH NO! It's gone.

I was proud of that piece. It was some of my best, most honest writing and I wanted to keep it so I could go back and relive the memories of losing my Grandma. I don't want to forget the experience and that little bit of writing had the ability to take me back to that place, that frame of mind.

I called to Erich, my techie husband in the hopes that he could do magic and bring it back from the dead. As I was waiting on him I sat and reflected. What am I feeling right now? Upset. Angry. Sad. Impatient. I just wanted him to tell me it was hopeless and get it over with. I jotted down some notes in the little notebook I keep in my purse. I wrote the following:

I think I just forever deleted the beautiful blog I wrote about losing my grandmother titled "Insights into the Death of a Loved One." Perhaps this is some sort of cosmic joke - meant to make me reflect on the importance of impermance. Even now I fight the lump of dread in my throat and try not to stamp my feet like a baby whose lolly was suddenly taken away.

The funny part of this story is that moments after I wrote that Erich in fact did magic. He revived my post! He went to some sort of Google cache and found an intact copy, pasted it into a Word document, promptly kissed my forehead and disappeared into the living room. Sigh. What an odd sense of relief. It wasn't until I let go of the notion of retrieving it that it came back to me...but did I want it to? I almost feel cheated out of a learning experience somehow.

Ultimately I am glad for its return. I hope to read it on the anniversary of my Grandma's death and someday share it with my children. Now that I've almost lost it, I can be sure I won't take it for granted.

So the insight for today is: impermanence isn't necessarily a bad thing. Case in point: my dog just let a monster of a stink bomb. So glad that won't last...