Insights into How to Kill...If You Must

So murder usually isn't my thing. I identify my spirituality most closely with Buddhism, and thus killing of any kind is simply not done because of the damage it does to your Karma. But there comes a time in a person's life where one has to stand up for one's self. Nature shows us that there are many reasons to kill another animal: protection of one's young, self-defense, food, and control of a territory to name a few. My motives, this time, were of a territorial nature. I could not allow the encroachment of the invaders in my space to go any further. I had to take a stand!

My enemy: fruit flies.

At first I allowed them safe passage through my kitchen. It seemed like wasted energy to swat at them.  They were so small and innocuous. Plus, I'm sure I was somehow to blame for their appearance in the first place. I'm not the worst house keeper, but then again I don't always do the dishes the same day...A few weeks went by and instead of disappearing when the trash was taken out or the guinea pig cage was cleaned (like I'd hoped) they remained. Correction, they multiplied. Now, they were not only floating around in the kitchen, but the bathroom, office and dining room as well. I even found a few in my bedroom! When my sweet friend Katy said the words, "Dang, there's more bugs inside than there are outside." I knew I had to do something. With her encouragement and support I took the necessary course of action to reclaim my home from the wee pests. It was us or them. Our tactics were brutal. We used chemical warfare, traps, and brute force, and ultimately won the battle. 

Here are the insights into how to get rid of fruit flies.

1. The trap. 

There are two basic kinds of traps we used last night:

The most simple, but seemingly least effective was the Funnel Trap. Find a glass bottle with a narrow opening at the top. Roll a piece of paper into a cone so that the tip of the cone has a very small opening. Fill the bottle with a sweet, sticky substance (we used a combination of red wine, sugar and fruit). Then, take the paper funnel and wedge it into the opening of the bottle. The flies will be attracted to the substance and figure out how to crawl inside the bottle through the funnel. Once inside the bottle they will have a hard time finding the small opening to get back out again. 

Make sure the funnel is rolled tightly. Ours may have failed due to the  hole being too large. 

The other trap we used was the Bowl Trap. Fill a clear bowl (we actually used some tupperware)  with the same sugary, fruity substance I described above. Cover the top with plastic wrap. It is important that the plastic wrap is taut and that there are no openings around the edges of the bowl. Then, use a fork or toothpick to poke a few holes in the plastic wrap. Again, the flies will be able to get in, but probably not able to get out. These traps work best if left over night in an area where the flies are worst. When I woke up this morning we had trapped about 20-30 enemies and the numbers are still rising as I write the post. 

I used tape to make sure the plastic was stretched tightly over the opening. 

2. The vacuum.

Just attach the hose on any vacuum cleaner and stealthily hunt down the little pests. This can be a nice work out and good for getting aggression out of your system. Katy, enjoyed this tactical post, but became worried when it was time to empty the contents. Make sure you empty the vacuum right after your done, in case any survivors try to crawl back out and regain free range of your home.

3. The Alcohol Spray

This is my personal favorite. Fill a spray bottle with rubbing alcohol and spray away! You can spritz them while flying and watch them drop dead to the floor, or hit a group of them on a wall or table. It's easy and clean and quite a lot of fun (I'm sick, I know...).

4. The Poison

This isn't my favorite, but we had some of this chemical on hand and it seemed like an appropriate course of action given the state of things. Fruit flies can apparently reproduce in things such as drains, so it is a good idea to clean them. My Mom told me that pouring boiling water down your pipes may be just as effective, so if you are squeamish about using chemicals then you could try that. This is what we used: 

5. The Team.

The thing I recommend most is do not try these tactics on your own. It is important to delegate and work as a team with close friends or family. There were five of us at our battle stations last night and what could have been an awful, dirty chore became a night full of laughter and adventure. I guess you could say we put the "laughter" in "slaughter."

In the end, if felt more like a community building activity than bug genocide. So my dears, if you must kill, don't do it alone. I may be a mad woman, but I'm not the only one. As it turns out my friends are a little bit crazy, too. I have learned a lot from this experience (namely that I REALLY want to avoid another fruit fly infestation), but the most important insight that came to me is this: 

"Most of us don't need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with."
~Robert Brault