Insights into How to Love

 “If one conceives of God as an intelligent, loving light, and if one opens to this light, true healing of mind, body and spirit can occur.” ~ Bernie Siegel

You just never know sometimes what the Universe is trying to tell you. Sometimes you have to stop and listen to your heart. I don't mean the thump, thump, thump of your blood coursing through your veins (although this seemingly automatic function is important). The heart, or better yet our intuition, is always there trying to guide us through life's sometimes messy trials and tribulations. Some call it God, others Allah, Buddha, the Tao or just plain Energy. Call it what you will there is, it seems, an undeniably intelligent, Cosmic force that guides us all. The more we try to ignore it the more afraid and sick we become. As individuals and as a global community. 

A dear friend of mine, Sara, is reading the book "The Only Way Out is In" by Anthony "Prem" Carlisi and she posted this quote on her Facebook wall today: 

...microcosm/macrocosm is mirrored between nature and man...This is why it is important to be conscious of what we put into our bodies and the waste that we dump on our planet. Look around! How we treat our bodies is the way we treat our Earth. This is why the Earth is in the state it is in: unconscious living inside and out. The finger is pointing back at us saying "Look within for the solution to what is happening outside. If we want harmony on the planet, we must start with ourselves first."

It struck me in a beautiful way. "If we want harmony...we must start with ourselves first." That's what I've been trying to put my finger on! The same must be true about Love! If you don't love yourself, how can you expect to truly love other living things? As Sara puts it: 

"I definitely believe the energy of "Love" so to speak is something that can be sensed so easy by those around you if they have clear heads and are willing to accept. I think it is as contagious as laughter. It is inspirational and infectious! Friend or lover, I think giving love to someone allows you to receive as well and it can honestly help someone love themselves more." 

 It makes even more sense if you consider, as I do, that the whole of our Universe is propelled forward in an ever expanding and contracting spiral that runs on Energy. This Energy shows itself to us in ways that science and reason have never been able to clearly explain or define: unexplainable coincidences, beauty, intuition,  and Love (to name a few).

I know it's cheesy, but I like, OK?

 I have, for a while now had an overwhelming need to write and discuss the concept of Love: it's true nature and meaning. Initially, I was going to discuss the stereotypical concept of "love at first sight" that our overly romanticized, Hollywood influenced brains tend to imagine. I was going to spout of examples ranging from the famous line in Jerry McGuire, "You complete me" to the countless fantasies in Disney films. While looking through my notes I couldn't help but feel that the content was lacking in some way. In order to truly discuss Love I decided it would just be best to speak from personal experience. So that's what I intend to do. If you're still with me at this point you may be curious about what my relationship (in my case my marriage to a wonderful man named Erich) is like. 


Our closest friends are never shy about telling us how much they like being around us. The latest string of compliments we've received have been, "I really like how you're not up each others' asses all the time" and "you two balance one another perfectly." I take those comments to heart, literally. I appreciate it every time someone points out that we seem to have "it" figured out. BUT. I don't feel like we're ever going to be done working on our relationship. I don't intend to make it "perfect" by any means, but I do intend on keeping it healthy. One thing that I have recently discovered is very important is our mutual need to develop spiritually as individuals. We respect and trust each other enough to encourage the other to do what is best. He never makes me sacrifice my authenticity to suit his needs, and I'm working on doing the same.The trick is avoiding the classic pitfall of forming a codependent relationship. It's hard to maintain a happy healthy relationship when one person is entirely wrapped up in the needs of the other. I have been in a few relationships like this and I remember what it feels like to be that "half" searching for the "one" who completes me.Then, when you find that person you feel the need to be around him and 'make him happy' all the time (as if his happiness were actually in my power, hah!) It's a ridiculous and very tiring idea, and one I'd like to put a stop to right here and now. 


A loving relationship does not require devastating romance, being "swept off one's feet," two halves completing one another to make them "whole", finishing each others' sentences, living 'for' the each other, sacrificing one's needs for the other, or making compromise after compromise. It's about balance, patience, understanding, compassion, trust and mutual respect. It's like my husband said today, "I say that love is not an activity but a force. that's all." - Erich

I'm not knocking romance. I love it in fact! But at this point I see it as a bonus. It's not necessary to to a happy marriage anymore than having a six pack set of abs is. We need to get over this notion of romantic love being achieved by searching the world to find this mysterious "other half" that will suddenly make you feel like a worthy human being. If Love is a force, and that force is the great cosmic energy, then all you have to do is let go. Be swept away by it and enjoy the ride! The best part is, the more you share it and show it the more you receive it! If you are already "whole" when you meet the person you want to build a life with then the two of you will both benefit from it.



If you really want to learn how to Love properly, you have to start with yourself. Take care of your body. Turn off the TV once in a while and read a book, or go on a walk, or just sit and be quiet for a few minutes. You might find that the more you listen to your own body, the more peaceful you become. You may start to understand your body more deeply. You may discover you have the answers to the questions that have been bothering you. You may even learn (with time and practice) to face your anxieties and fears with strength and courage and free yourself from those bonds without depending on alcohol, drugs or another person. 

John and Paul were right my friends: All you need is Love.