This question came up multiple times today. Each time it came from a different person and for a different purpose, but the underlying question still remained: What do you really want out of this life?
If you can answer that question without the slightest hesitation, then hat's off to you! How wonderful it must feel to know you are doing what you are meant to do and that you have purpose and satisfaction in your own existence!...BUT, if you're like me, then the answer does come with hesitation. In fact, the answer is never the same. One day you think you know what you want to do with your life, the next you don't.
I have been like that for a long time. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a...VETERNARIAN...no...a PSYCHOLOGIST....no....a PROFESSOR.....no....a TEACHER...and so on and on. I have never decided what I "want to be when I grow up." Until now perhaps.
I have decided I know what it feels like, not what it necessarily looks like. The harder I try to classify or define what it is I'll be doing with my life, the more stressed I become. My future feels out of my control, because the harder I cling to my expectations the more often I am let down. I just want to follow my instincts and my natural abilities. I believe if I make that my priority then I will find a career that makes me happy and allows me harmony in my life.
If you were to ask me now what I'll be doing in 10 years, I can't tell you "running a successful non-profit" or "owning a popular bar and restaurant venue" because I flat out don't know if these things will work out, but what I can tell you is that I'll be doing something that matters to me. That is my newest and biggest priority.
I hope to set things in motion very soon. In the next few months I hope to extend my concept of family and friendship. I want to live by the mantra "give support, get support." I want to provide an atmosphere (in whatever I'm doing) that allows people to come together as often as possibly and as lovingly as possible. If I can nurture this environment then I can be happy. And if I make happiness my goal, I can not only help others, but make a living doing what I enjoy as well. In a month I'll be relocating and [I hope] my life will never be the same again. Wish me luck would you, please?
Well you know I wish you the best of luck of course :) I am sure that if you continue to use your base ideas regarding what you can control in being happy, then you will be more than fine.
ReplyDeleteI would also leave you with the idea that (in my opinion) happiness is not a destination to arrive at, but a journey. I am a firm believer that attaining X, Y and Z are not guaranteed ways to become happy. What I mean is that, as studies have shown, we are notoriously poor at determining what will make us happy and to what level of happiness that will be. I agree with you 100% about knowing what this feels like, but not necessarily what it looks like. You know what? That's okay. I find it quite freeing. I would actually be quite depressed if I somehow knew I would be doing A, B and C for the rest of my entire life. I want to try it all out, change it up, check out what the whole alphabet has in store for me. :)
Lovesies.
Well said Mallory! I think of the Alan Watts short clip I always used to show at Philosophy Club meetings. If music were about the end journey then they would all be just one crashing note! Lol.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, there are still days when I get stuck in the "planning" mindset. You know the kind...it's been trained into us Type A people from the start. I get it in my head that I have to figure out what I'll be doing with myself in [10 days][1 year][10 years][etc...] BECAUSE it is so "important" to have goals and "know where you're headed" so that "you can celebrate your 'accomplishments'" when you get "there."
It's hard to shake that message. It's hard to go to family gatherings and answer questions about your own future that you're not really interested in answering because you flat out CAN'T know what you'll be doing in a few years.
I SO appreciate people like you Mal (and not to mention our other wonderful friends) who are so understanding of that struggle and who support me no matter what.
I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for understanding and always sharing your wisdom and support freely. I will try to enjoy the journey, my friend.
I couldn't agree more with what Mallory was saying. I do have to say though that accepting uncertainty is a tough skill to learn especially for type A's. That's where communities and strong friendships with roots help us to hold ourselves in compassion in attempts to deal with the uncertainty of the unknown.
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